My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
