I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
