i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
