Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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