btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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