i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
