You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
