Whod you bang
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
