I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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