I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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