So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
