I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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