You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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