Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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