If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
