I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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