shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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