It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
