Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize