There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
