My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
