you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
