Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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