I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
