we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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