when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
