I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize