i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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