bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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