thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
