I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
