I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
