her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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