3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
