lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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