READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
