If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
