you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
