I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
