so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
