You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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