Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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