Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
