Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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