I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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