She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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