We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
