the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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