JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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