So drunk its hurt
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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