oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
