is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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