Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
