I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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