marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
