Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
