whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
