did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
