Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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