Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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