Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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