I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
